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<title>A Writer's Death // r. casal x oc x d. diggs by sera_writes_at_3AM</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27943400">A Writer's Death // r. casal x oc x d. diggs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sera_writes_at_3AM/pseuds/sera_writes_at_3AM'>sera_writes_at_3AM</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Multi, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Polyamory, this is very much self indulgent lmao</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:55:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,851</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27943400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sera_writes_at_3AM/pseuds/sera_writes_at_3AM</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Please, dear<br/>Remember me as I seldom was<br/>As my most sober<br/>Most gentle<br/>Most benevolent self<br/>As a man to<br/>Speculate on the brute that he<br/>So often tortured into revival<br/>But not as the brute<br/>As an artist fighting his fog<br/>As a dreamer at lust for dawn<br/>I only want<br/>My best shadow to live through night<br/>And my worst ones pardoned<br/>For the wretched had me<br/>More than a few<br/>But I put blade to strings<br/>When I caught the devil<br/>Looming as my puppeteer, I did<br/>Wrote my fictions as confessions<br/>To relinquish sin, I have<br/>But I have been a bothersome rut<br/>Most of my days<br/>Earned no pardon<br/>By being eloquent in my distress<br/>And you are none deserving<br/>Of an erroneous lad<br/>Who only crucifies himself<br/>To beat the mob to his cross<br/>But you<br/>You my dear are the only one<br/>Who has met the boy in me<br/>I die writing to save<br/>And if I don't make it<br/>I need you to remember him<br/>Him alone<br/>And forget the rest.<br/>- Rafael Casal</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daveed Diggs/Original Female Character(s), Daveed Diggs/Rafael Casal/Original Female Character, Rafael Casal/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arilyn Blackwell graduated almost top of her class at Theodore Roosevelt High School in 2008. That wasn’t what her peers took notice of though. No – she was more so known (rather widely) for being clumsy. Actually, they voted her ‘most likely to die within the first five minutes of the zombie apocalypse. <br/>   Which was exactly why she shouldn’t have been taken aback when she tripped over her own feet and spilled her gas station cup of iced tea. <br/>   “Oh, shit,” Daveed laughed after turning around to find his friend in the middle of his dressing room with a soaked, brown-tinged shirt. “Really spillin’ the tea, huh?” He asked in jest – it was all fun and games until she met his gaze with tear-filled eyes. <br/>   “Damn it,” she hissed through her teeth, having clenched her jaw so tight it almost hurt. <br/>“Ari,” Daveed stepped forward and eased the plastic cup out of her hand, noticing her paper-white knuckles. “Hey, what’s wrong, sis?” He asked, knowing full and well that she wasn’t standing there crying over her tea.<br/>   “’S already been a bad day, D.” She muttered. With shaking hands, she pulled her backpack around her body and opened it. Normally she’d pack an extra set of clothes in the morning so that after practice when she was all gross and sweaty, she wouldn’t be the one stinking up the subway. Of course, as she rifled through the bag, she realized that that just wasn’t her luck. As she zipped the bag back up, she let out a huff and a groan. “Fuck this day so hard.”<br/>   “It ain’t even eleven in the morning yet. That’s rough.” He heaved a sigh as he watched her flop down on the futon he and the other guys had put in their room. She smoothed back her messy hair with trembling fingers – and had she been trying to lose weight? Under her eyes, the skin was darker and deeper set than it’d been back half a year ago. It seemed she’d been extra stressed . . . and it went back to . . . “You and Gabe been getting into it again?” Daveed asked hesitantly, moving to shut the door of the dressing room he shared with a few of the other men from their show.<br/>   From what Daveed knew, Arilyn’s boyfriend Gabe had issues with drinking, or rather, knowing when to stop drinking. It was enough to stress Arilyn out to the point of panic attacks. One night after a show, one of her first performances in Hamilton, she had a panic attack and almost passed out because she couldn’t breathe. Daveed hadn’t been able to get a lot of information out of her about him, even after all the months that passed. All he knew was that he was worried she was taking on too much.<br/>   “He … he was drunk again. Last night. Said some stuff I know he didn’t mean, but …,” She trailed off and Daveed pursed his lips to keep himself from making a comment that upset her further. She saw the subtle action, the way he was restraining himself. “Well, anyway,” she continued, “I’m just tired. I’m fine though, D.”<br/>   He nodded and let out another sigh (more disappointed than the last) and walked to the duffle he had on the floor by the futon, kneeling down to go through it. He kept spare clothes with him for the same reason she normally did. Grabbing the first random shirt from the top, he took it out and zipped his bag shut again, tossing the bundle of fabric to her. <br/>   “Don’t give me that sigh, Diggs.” Arilyn grumbled. The exasperation dripped thickly from her tone. Daveed could tell from the slight gravel in her voice that she’d been doing some yelling the night before (and not the good kind). <br/>   “I just worry about you, sis,” he told her and sat next to her. She pressed her lips into a thin half-assed smile as she held up the shirt that had been thrown to her. It was a yellow Oakland-ish tee. <br/>   “Thanks.” The small sentiment had a dual meaning and they both knew it. Not caring that Daveed was there, she peeled the wet shirt off her skin and sighed. “Damn. I’m sticky. And my bra’s gonna be stained. D, you got any napkins?”<br/>   “Uh, yeah, I think so. Hold up,” he got up and walked to the corner where the guys had a mini-fridge and a microwave. On top of the microwave was a stack of unused fast-food napkins. He grabbed a handful and walked back, passing them to Arilyn. She mumbled her thanks and wiped at her skin and bra.<br/>   If she ever were to look back on that day, she’d possibly chuckle and think it was just her luck, what happened next. Because (of course) it was right then that the door opened and in walked – unannounced – Daveed’s friend Rafael. Someone that Arilyn definitely did not know.<br/>   “Yo, Diggs!” He hollered.<br/>   “Dude!” Daveed yelled, though his friend noted that Daveed didn’t seem nearly as happy to see him as he thought he should’ve.<br/>   “What the fuck,” Arilyn scrambled to pull on the clean shirt.<br/>   All Rafael said next was, “Oh. Woah.” <br/>   “Bruh, fucking knock when you see a closed door.” Daveed fumed, standing in front of where Arilyn sat. She was sure that his positioning was deliberate. If she had to sum up how Daveed felt about her in one word, she’d choose ‘protective’. <br/>   “Sorry, dude. Maybe you should put a tie on the knob next time, though, hm?” Rafael teased with a Cheshire grin, raising his eyebrows at his best friend.<br/>   Arilyn got up and took a step so she could stand beside Daveed. Both the men saw her deep red face, which almost matched her dark auburn hair. She crossed her arms and waited for an introduction, but when she looked at the stranger, all she got was a smirk. With a groan, she drew a hand down her face.<br/>   “We were so not doing that.” She said, nearly growling. After another second of silence, she smacked Daveed’s arm lightly, “Tell him!”<br/>   “She’s right, Raf, you’re way off base.”<br/>   “All I’m saying is-”<br/>   “Nope.” Daveed cut him off.<br/>   “Who the hell are you anyway?” Arilyn asked, earning a laugh from the man with the dirty blond hair.<br/>   “Rafael Casal, at your service. And you are …?”<br/>   “Arilyn Blackwell,” She told him, checking her watch. “D, we got, like, five minutes before everyone shows up. ‘M surprised Lin hasn’t already come looking.”<br/>   “Probably isn’t here yet,” Daveed said, taking a seat on the futon once more. <br/>   “Okay. Oh, shit, I need to clean up that spill,” she remembered, grabbing the napkins, and going over to the puddle of tea. “What a waste of a perfectly good five bucks.”<br/>   “If you really miss your five dollars that much, I can spot you some,” Daveed laughed, earning a glare from the woman who was trying to mop up the mess. “Guess you aren’t ready to joke about it yet,” he mumbled as he pulled out his phone.<br/>   “Why are the three of us here so early anyway, if no one else is gonna be here for another five minutes?” Rafael asked as he sat next to his friend.<br/>   “Ari always insanely early, so I started coming to keep her company. As for you, it’s the weird umbilical cord you attached to me without my consent.” Daveed deadpanned, earning a smack to the face with the Jefferson pillow one of the fans gave him.<br/>   “Shut up.” <br/>   “So, you must be the high school friend that ninety-nine percent of his stories and assorted anecdotes involve,” Arilyn asked as she threw away the sopping napkins. With one last glance, she decided it was good enough. It would dry by itself before the opportunity for a lawsuit against the theatre was even a thought.<br/>   “Yeah. Good to hear he still thinks about me,” Rafael batted his eyelashes jokingly. Daveed threw the pillow back at him, a satisfying thump sounded out before it fell to the floor.<br/>   “All bad things, Rafa,” Daveed added dryly, though the glint in his eyes betrayed him.<br/>   “And I take it that you’re the girl Diggs isn’t sleeping with?”<br/>   “Ugh,” Arilyn visibly cringed at the notion, earning a laugh from Rafa. “I’m spoken for – and definitely not by him.”<br/>   “You ain’t gotta act like I’m repulsive, Ari,” Daveed said, despite having the same reaction internally. “Nah, Raf, she may as well be my baby sister. So, don’t be getting any ideas either.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is where shit hits the fan fast. BIG TRIGGER WARNING FOR ABUSE IN THIS CHAPTER. Read safe, my guys, gals, and non-binary pals &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“All right, talk to you later, D. Love you,” Arilyn hung up her phone and shut the apartment door behind her. <br/>   “Talking to Daveed again?” Gabe asked, startling her as she took off her shoes. She took a breath and centered herself, trying to keep from falling over as one of her feet hovered in the air. She gave a hesitant chuckle as she finished pulling off the tennis shoe. <br/>   “Yeah. He hates me taking the subway, always wants to make sure I make it home okay.” <br/>   “Mm. That’s my job, worry about you.” He said point-blank as he flipped through Netflix.<br/>   “He just cares, Gabe.”<br/>   “Maybe too much, though.”<br/>   “What’s that mean,” she crossed her arms, eyeing the beer can on the side table. It was almost guaranteed a safe bet that it hadn’t been his first, even though it was hardly six o’clock. Gabe put down the remote and looked back at her, challenging her gaze.<br/>   “It means you’re my girl and I want him to back off. And what the fuck’s this,” he gestured at her before grabbing the can and pressing it to his lips. After swallowing, he continued, “Are you wearing his shirt,” Gabe stood, walking toward her with slow, intimidating steps. Every pace he took, she matched backward, until she was a step away from the door. He grabbed at the sleeve of Daveed’s shirt with disgust in his eyes. Arilyn could smell the beer on him. He probably hadn’t even shown up to work during the day.<br/>   “I spilled on mine. I’m gonna give it back to him tomorrow. It doesn’t mean anything, Gabe.” She told him gently. Maybe she still had time to talk her way out of whatever trouble was brewing. “Look, I can go change right now, okay?”<br/>   “Nah, you don’t tell me what’s gonna happen, Arilyn. You can tell me it doesn’t mean anything as many times as you tell him you love him,” he spat, shoving on her shoulder. Her body slammed into the door, and she winced, her hand going up to rub at her head. He grabbed her wrist, holding it tight. <br/>   Just breathe, she told herself as she closed her eyes.<br/>   “I don’t mean it that way, Gabe. I’ve never felt that way for him.”<br/>   “Shut up,” he yelled, and before either of them even had time to blink, his fist contacted her skin.<br/>   “Ah,” she gasped, her fingers curling in, her nails pressing into the skin of her palms. “Please, Gabe -”<br/>   “You’re sleeping on the fuckin’ couch. And I better not hear one word from you for the rest of the night. Go shower and change.”</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the night passed slower than molasses. When Gabe finally went to bed, Arilyn finally felt like she could breathe, but that didn’t make the minutes pass by any faster. It was a sleepless night. Every noise in the building seemed a hundred times louder. Had Mrs. Goranson upstairs gotten yet another cat to run around and disturb all her neighbors? <br/>   Finally, seven-thirty came, and she could justify leaving the apartment. She snuck into the bedroom to grab some clothes (and a spare set, she made sure of it) and then went to the bathroom to change. It was in her favor that Gabe had blacked out. Though she was gonna be pissed if he skipped work, rent was hard enough to pay as it was. In the bathroom, she looked at her bruises – not only the big one around her eye but the purple fingerprints on her wrist. Her hoodie could cover those, thankfully. She went to work with her makeup, slathering concealer, foundation, and eyeshadow on to hide the mark. <br/>   She texted Daveed after locking the apartment door and starting down the hall.<br/>‘U up yet?’<br/>‘Yeah.’ He replied quickly. She was surprised – had she really accidentally altered his schedule that much?<br/>‘coffee?’<br/>‘omw’<br/>   Arilyn and Daveed had started meeting at Fredrich &amp; Co. for their caffeine fixes about three months before. It was a nice, locally owned, little spot seemingly tucked away in plain sight between a Sport Clips and a DICK’s Sporting Goods. And, as another plus, it was only two blocks down from her apartment complex, so she could walk.<br/>   When she walked in the building, the bell above the door chiming, she saw Daveed already waiting for her with a to-go cup in hand, sitting in the chairs by the electric fireplace. He met her halfway as she stood at the counter to order her usual.<br/>   “Morning, sis.” He smiled.<br/>   “Hey.”<br/>   “What can I get you, miss?” The barista asked, walking out of their backroom upon hearing voices.<br/>   “Large chai latte and a chocolate chip croissant, please.”<br/>   They were all silent as the barista made her latte, and as she slid him her card. It flashed in her mind for a moment – the anxiety that maybe Gabe wouldn’t be happy she was spending money on coffee runs. Then, with her breakfast in hand, she and Daveed made their way to the comfy armchairs. <br/>   “I brought you your shirt. Didn’t wash it, sorry,” she fretted as she unzipped her bag to grab the yellow fabric. He took it from her hands, his gaze fixing briefly on her wrist before he tore his eyes away.<br/>   “Don’t worry about it...you’re wearing makeup.” He noted. <br/>   “Yeah. Woke up early, and figured, why not?” She lied and then broke off a piece of her croissant, popping it in her mouth. She hadn’t eaten since the cast took a lunch break yesterday in between practicing.<br/>   “Oh. Looks good,” he smiled, but Arilyn could see how tense he was. Was he on to her?<br/>   Likewise, Daveed could tell something was wrong. That she could lie to anyone except him. Where those actual marks on her wrist, or just shadows playing tricks? And was that a hint of a bruise around her eye?<br/>   “You’re kinda freakin’ me out, Diggs,” she chuckled. The noise was a bit wobbly in her throat, though.<br/>   “I just … do you have a black eye?” He lowered his voice, not quite meeting her eye. Surely if things were that bad, she’d let him know, right? She trusted him that much, didn’t she?<br/>   “No, no. My dark circles are just worse, I had trouble sleeping last night,” she waved her hand dismissively, taking another bite of her croissant.<br/>   “Oh.” He paused. “Why didn’t you sleep?”<br/>   “…Well, Gabe was drinking. And I slept on the couch. Honestly, he had no right to get mad at me anyway.” Arilyn told him. Maybe if she spared enough details, albeit vaguely, he’d drop it. <br/>   “What’d he get mad over?”<br/>   “Uh,” she stalled, but then decided to tell him the truth, “actually…it was because I was wearing your shirt. And when I was on the phone with you, he heard me say ‘love you’. Kinda thinks there’s something going on between us, even though I told him it was nothing.”<br/>   “So…it’s my fault he was mad at you,” Daveed ran a hand over his hair. Arilyn’s jaw dropped at the notion, and she put her breakfast on the end-table that was between their chairs. She leaned over and put a hand on his knee.<br/>   “Absolutely not. Don’t say that, D.”<br/>   “I mean…logically it isn’t,” he said slowly, “but if I hadn’t -”<br/>   “You were being a good friend by letting me borrow your shirt. If Gabe thinks there’s more to it when I’ve told him there isn’t, that’s his problem.”<br/>   “But it’s yours too,” Daveed pushed the sleeve of her hoodie up. With her skin exposed, he could see the bruises on her skin clear as day.<br/>   Arilyn felt her heart stop for a moment, her blood running cold through her whole body. She snatched her hand back and pulled down the material to cover it once more, staring at her lap as tears pooled in her eyes. <br/>   “Why didn’t you tell me, Ari?” His words came out sharp with staccato. <br/>   “We should probably get going to the theater,” She mumbled, standing.<br/>   “And you’re just gonna walk away from me? I thought that you trusted me.” He called after her as she threw away what remained of her croissant, no longer hungry. Her stomach twisted with anxiety, each individual worry causing a pang in her gut. “We have to talk about this, Ari.”<br/>   “We don’t have to do it here though, D,” Arilyn finally looked up at him. Brown eyes staring into brown eyes, all four glassy. <br/>   “In the car then. Let’s go.”</p>
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